Coming to the end of the year

Every year about this time, I get reflective. I think about what happened in the year: the usual why did it happen, how did it happen and what would I have done differently in the circumstance.

So much happened in this past year that I have had a lot to meditate on. The answer I come up with most is that I should have taken my situations to God faster instead of trying to take care of things on my own.

I must confess that this has been a year of more joyous things than sorrowful. This has been a year in which God has shown Himself greatly to our family on a whole. Sure the economy is not where anyone would want it to be world wide; but with God as the source of our life, we can find contentment in living with little as we have when there was much.

One thing I know for sure God is still God and He is unchanging. His love for His children does not go up and down like the stock market nor does He need a "bail out" to keep His Kingdom moving forward. All He needs is willing hearts, who realize that all things begin and end with Him. In the in between, we have great blessing of His presence.

I am hopeful and look forward to the coming year, not because of a new presidency or any promises made by man. I a hopeful because of Who God is and what His promises are toward His children. I pray that you all will find blessings in your life whether you have little or much.... Just remember , our God is the King of a great Kingdom and our blessings, true blessings come from His heart to us.

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Christmas Joy

Tonight, we attended our town's Christmas Parade. It was a very special time for us as a family.

We are so blessed to live in a rural community where families come together and enjoy old fashion things like a town parade.

The main street was decorated in lights and lined with with smiling faces of neighbors that you see in the local supermarket or local cafe. People greeting each other warmly even if they do not know your name. Children laughing and running up and down the sidewalks.

The air was crisp and cool, filled with anticipation of the parade as the band began to approach. Then you hear some of the children yell and giggle: " Here it comes! Here comes the parade!"

Horse drawn carriages with bright Christmas lights pass. Children shouting with joy because the riders are tossing candy to them. The the floats from local businesses go pass and ooh's and aah's are heard from the crowd. Last but not least, is the ending float with Santa Claus! Every kid clapping their hands and pointing.

It was a good parade; but it was not there that I found my joy so much. It was in the visitors I had after the parade!

I was blessed to have most of my grandchildren come to my house after the parade. Here we had chili, hot chocolate and cookies. The children decorated my Christmas tree and it was so sweet to hear them working together and enjoying each others' company.

My heart delighted in their conversations with each other and the laughter that filled my house for those few hours. I truly understand why a merry heart is like medicine. The laughter of each of them made me think back to when our children (their parents) were young and how they would become excited about this Season.

I want to thank the parents for making the trip for the parade and to our home. They brought to me the first true gift of Christmas: the laughter and love of children! The laughter of the grandchildren was definitely God given medicine to my old bones.

I've Been Tagged!

I am going to tell you seven things about myself that are not known by everyone:

1. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 6 years old

2. I am the oldest of eight children: seven girls and one boy

3.. I was born in Waco but spent most of my childhood in Houston area until I was 15 and then returned to the Waco area.

4. I married when I was thirty five to my husband.

5. I had lived in Central America on the edge of the rainforest for three years. My house was a Polisteel tent on stilts. I washed my clothing on a rock in the San Jacinto River and bathed in the same river.

6. When in Belize, I ate Iguana and other local dishes as well as lots of beans and rice

7.. I have five beautiful intelligent children but have never been pregnant. Yet, I carried them in my heart for years as a promise from God.

I will have to think about who to tag next

expectations and disappointments

I have been married for almost nineteen years and have forgotten what it is like to put great expectations for my happiness upon my husband until a recent conversation with a much younger woman.

She had placed her hopes on her husband and a certain situation: needless to say, she found herself disappointed and hurt. It brought back to me a time of those same feelings in dealing with my relationship with my dear husband.

I could only share with her what I had learned: that being, I had placed a great burden upon my husband by making him responsible for my happiness. There is no way that my husband had the power not to disappoint me no matter how hard he tried or what good intensions he had.

You see God gave us men who like ourselves are flesh and blood. They are obviously likely to be given to errors as well as come up against somethings that are out of their control. I am not saying to just not expect anything from your husband. Every wife has the right to expect respect, faithfulness and love as does every husband.

What I am talking about is the happiness and contentment that comes from life and the joy of knowing that well placed expectations will be met. There is only One Who can handle that huge responsibility and that is Jesus alone.

I have learned that when I have placed my hopes for happiness in Christ, I am not disappointed. In Him, I have opportunities to grow and expand who I am. I began to see my husband as he was, not who I thought he should be or I wanted him to be.
By accepting him, I learned new things about him and why he felt about things the way he did. I also noticed, because I eased the burden of expectations I had for him, he began to do the same for me. We began to enjoy each others company and encourage each other in situations. It opened doors for communication and forgiveness

It also gave me the opportunity to be surprised by my husband's true kindness and affection. It gave me the freedom to show my true affection in my love language to him. We both have benefited from this revelation and as time goes by we love each other even more.

I remind myself with an old hymn,"My hopes are built on nothing less than Jesus....."

I Love Texas Falls

This fall has been extra special to me. I have enjoyed the local wildlife more than usual. We have been so blessed to witness nature at her best.

The mornings have been crisp and cool. The sunsets have been extremely colorful at the end of the day. The nights have been so beautiful. The dark skies of Norse have allowed us to view the planets and stars at their most visible. The nights are so peaceful.

During the days, at various intervals,skies are filled with the sound of wild geese traveling south for the winter. It is a blessing to looking up into the sky and see them in their V formations traveling so gracefully against the clear blue sky. Often at night fall seeing them land on local ponds for a rest.

The deer have gotten so use to seeing us around our home that they no longer run from us. They will lay in our yard near cedar trees and watch us as we go about our business. There is a trust of sorts that we will not bother them. The cotton tail rabbits and jack rabbits accept our old fruit; but still run if we approach them.

An old raccoon is thankful for the fruit and vegetables we leave for him; but like the rabbits is not sure of us yet. The local birds come for seed that we have for their benefit as well as enjoying the little water fountain we have for water. There are several Cardinals that are a wonderful scarlet red this years.

If you have not guessed, I consider these days and wildlife as gifts from the hand of God. Watching the wildlife in itself brings peace to one's soul and mind. Seeking God among His creations allows me to be still and ready to listen not just ramble in speech; but to actually sit still and listen.

After 54 years of life, I still find that God can amaze me as much as He could when I was a child. I find myself willing to learn and thankful that there is so much yet to learn. I feel so hopeful and believe that blessings will be revealed in the day ahead: the prayers I pray to be answered in ways that one might know that only the hand of God could have done it.

This past week we went to Mississippi. We took my mother-in-law and her sister to visit an old plantation sight and to see where many of their ancestors were buried.

The purpose of the trip was to let them see the places that their mother and aunts had spoke of so often We were able to hear from them the family legends as well as glean facts from the locations. It brought great joy to me to see my mother-in-law's eyes dance with delight to see some of the places she had heard of as a child.

It became a bonding time for our family: my mother-in-law, her sister, a cousin, my husband and myself. i was able to see the things that they all had in common as well as the things that separated them and made them individuals. The history of the family was filled with a common string: those who have much, much is required. The thought that you have been given so much, not necessarily financially; but in education, natural abilities and hard work required you to share with others for a common good.

Many served as senators, representatives, judges and lawyers for common people who could not afford legal help. Many started churches in their homes wherever they lived. When coming to a new place if there was not a church, they would open the doors to their home twice a week for services. Often they would leave a son or two behind when moving again to continue to pastor the church they had started. Many of the churches that they started in their home are still active. Such was the church we attended on Sunday for its 150 anniversary.

150 years ago, Peter Parker, travelled from Alabama to De Soto, Mississippi. His family and five other families built the first Baptist Church there. Peter was its first pastor and remained there for ten year. His grandson George Beverly Parker, was the Sunday School Superintendent for over 31 years ,his wife Willie Creagh Falconer Parker took care of the Cradle Roll until her death. Many of their children's families attended the church until their deaths as well.

On Sunday, my mother-in-law and her sister were able to stand there with some of the cousins representing both Peter and George Parker. It was a special time for the past and the present to meet. While there, I felt great pride that God allowed us to be a witness to His ever present hand in the life of this family.

There were inscriptions on the tombstones that reminded us that God was the foundation of a good reputation and home. These were men and women of great character that past down to the next generation a love to God and country, a love for family and community and the character to try even if it means failing and to try again. These were people who early recognized that with an education, one could achieve much and thought it to be every man, woman or child's right to be educated no matter race, creed or color.

These ancestors also played important part in the history of the state of Alabama and Mississippi. No matter what job they had, they put their family first and for this I believe their children grew up strong and confident.

There is so much that could be said or written, but that would take a long time so I will write just a little at a time.

Been thinking

Lately, I have been thinking about King David and his life. He was known as the "Apple of God's Eye". For someone so loved by our Father and Creator, this man went through a lot. He experienced depression, betrayal and great loss.

He was the youngest of Jesse's boys: he had a gentle spirit with a warrior's heart. David was a man of great faith: he trusted that God had a plan for his life and it was good. David was a man who served under a harsh jealous King who accused him of things that David did not do. When he was King, there were those again who were jealous and coveted all David had. They sought to destroy him.

One thing about David, he remain constant in his faith. He believed that if he strayed, like a good Father, God would point out his sin and give him the choice of whether to repent or to harden his heart. Because of his relationship with God, David quickly chose to repent and surrender himself to the mercies of God.

David knew that it was "better to spend one day in the courts of God than a thousand else where". He knew that God's mercies were great and renewed with every dawn. He knew that man was not by nature a merciful being that man would seek revenge or destruction of another.

When he stood up to the Giant. He was certain that he was doing what God required of him. When he played the harp to soothe King Saul, he knew this was where God wanted him. When he danced with great joy before the Lord, he knew this was how God wanted him to enter into His courts: dancing and with great praise. When he chose not to slay King Saul, he knew that God would show him the same mercy. When Nathan spoke to him about his sins, David knew immediately that God wanted him to come in repentance, so he ran and threw himself on the horn of the altar.

Because of the love that David and God shared, David knew that God was always present. David knew that God knew him ever so intimately. Because of this all the days of his life he held fast to God and His word. Even in loneliness, sorrow, depression and confusion of old age, David knew that God had not forsaken Him.

I ask myself: Do I have faith like David to believe that no matter where I am or what I am going through, God is present? Am I willing to run to the altar and hang on until I get a word from God about my life? Am I willing to fight the Giants in my life simply because I know that this is what God says to do? Am I willing to show mercy to someone who has hurt me deeply and seeks to destroy me?

If I cannot answer yes to all of these questions today, I pray that God will be patient with me and guide me to the place where I can answer yes.

Lately, I have ben listening to the new Third Day Album with my husband. It is so hard to pick just one song to call a favorite. In fact, I like the whole album.

All of the songs lead you to one direction: the ever present love of God. One of the songs states,"If you ever feel like giving up, I'll be there. If you ever feel so alone, I'll be there. I'll be there to hold you"

It reminds me that God is with me at all times: those times when I feel that nothing goes right and that overwhelmed feeling sneaks up. Being one who battles depression, I catch myself using the words, "I'm tired' I have learned this is my spirit's code for depressed or oppressed. It has nothing to do with the physical; but instead everything to do with the emotional and spiritual.

I have to stop and take a deep breath and find a place of quiet. In that place, I have to pour myself out before God and enter into His presence. I have to be still... then I realize that it was not God who withdrew His presence, it was I who walked away and took on the cares of this life. I needed to remind myself that no matter what occurs, God is present.

Depression comes when I do not release those cares that weight me down. The human spirit was meant to be free and in communication with our Father Creator. When we take on burdens and let them mount up, we are overwhelmed and become deaf, blind and mute in our relationship with God.

Depression is a genetic thing for my tribe: the wiring in our brains makes us predisposed; but the Spirit of God offers hope and victory. I am thankful that God allowed the creation of medicines that help with the chemical side of thing. But I know so well that without God in my life, the medicines would only take care of the chemical imbalance and not the total situation.

I am thankful that God is always present, that He is aware of everything that goes on. I am thankful that like every good parent, He gives us the freedom of choice full knowing that we might not make the right choices all of the time. And like a good parent when we do make the right choice, He is there to get us back on track: I am thankful that He rejoices when we choose right and walk in the path He desires for us.

I keep thinking that in His Presence there is everything we need

Seeds Planted Part 2

God is very interested in my family. At a meeting, my other daughter and son-in-law were given a word of encouragement. They were already at a place where God was leading them and they were given a confirmation that they were going in the right direction.

Almost immediately, what was spoken to them came to past. They were ready! God wanted to teach them a lesson about authority: what it meant to be under someone and what it meant to be over someone. I think of the book "The Tale of Three Kings" This book gave insight to authority from the eyes of King David. His experiences under Saul and his experiences over his kingdom and his sons. The son-in-law learned his lesson well and has been blessed because of it.

My daughter has put herself in place for God to bless her as a wife and mother. She is growing spiritually and in confidence.

In the past she has struggled with things that had taken her self esteem and she had forgotten that she belonged to the Living God. She reacted in her flesh and it brought her sorrow. Today, she walks in the knowledge that she is a daughter of the Most High God. It is a difference of night and day!

She is confident in her role has a mother and wife. As a couple, they are seeking God for their family and as the scriptures say, when you seek, you will find.

God has touched all of my children with His presence. It is a great joy to watch Him work in their lives and the lives of my grandchildren.

Harvest of Seeds Planted

About a year ago, a prophecy was given to one of my daughters and sons-in-law. They were told that in the next year that a great change in their life would come to past.

Almost immediately, things began to happen. The son-in-law lost his job! He was able to find a job that he liked but it paid less money than he had been making. So the family under went many changes and struggles for this past year: to top it off, he was told that this job was to be ending soon. Once more, the family had more pressure add to what was all ready happening.

Our very faithful God took control of their situation once they came to a place of realizing that even though things were tough: they had each other and that they were not alone in their struggle.

Exactly one year to the date of the prophecy, the son-in-law was hired at a job that promises a future and good pay with benefits. Not only that, they were able to move into a good school district and neighborhood after selling their house.

I am reminded of the verses in Daniel. You know where the angel appears to Daniel and told him from the first moment he prayed that his prayer was answered;but he (the Angel) had to fight with the king of Persia. That is what I feel took place in this situation: Spiritual Battle had to be done. Not only was spiritual warfare involved; but it was a time of character and faith building.

Faith building because one becomes aware that God is interested in their life and that He will do as He has promised. You have to stretch yourself and BELIEVE! Character building because in trials we learn things about ourself. We learn what is of God and what part of the world we still have in us. We learn who is truly on the throne of our life: God or our flesh.

I pray that all have learn that blessings just don't happen by some circumstance: that they occur when we are in communication with God. Just like seeds planted so long ago that were nurtured and water, our garden is full and ready for harvest.

I praise God for His loving kindness toward each of my children as I watch them harvest blessing from seeds planted in faith

What is it that I am to learn?

This past week, my husband broke his right leg. He has several fractures on the tibia and fibula above the ankle.

For a man who thinks working at his computer while sitting in a chair is resting, so far it has be real tough. Willie is the type of guy when he sleeps he makes lists for the next day ! He is a very social person and enjoys having fellowship with those who like doing the same things as he does. In fact, this guy just enjoys people and soon after meeting someone, he can add them to a list of ever growing friends.

As a Preacher's Kid, he moved several times in his youth, acquiring the skill of making friend quickly. He enjoys learning about new a different things and will research subjects until he gets a good idea what they are all about. He is a good friend that is loyal and willing to go the extra mile to help another.

His greatest joy however, is his family. Willie is very proud of his children and absolutely adores his grandchildren. He is often sharing with them various experiences and encouraging them to learn from life, as well as the fact, one should never stop learning.

God allows us to be put into a place or situations sometimes that requires us to learn something new. Willie might be learning how to slow down and rest a little. But what is it that I am to learn?

I believe it is to learn how to be cheerful as I serve him ( or anyone): how to express not only my love as I care for him; but to express the love of Jesus toward him as well.

I am to pray for his healing not because i am tired but because it will relieve his pain. I am to seek his comfort and realize that as I comfort him, God is adding to our relationship a new area of trust that will last us through our old age. Everyday, I learn patience and realize that God has chosen to use Willie to work them in me at this time. I am learning that when I pray to be more like Jesus, opportunities open up for me to experience the chance to learn how to serve and do it joyfully.

Please pray for Willie to be healed so that he might continue in the things that bring him joy and for me be a better servant: one who finds joy in the opportunities that God place before her.

Waiting on God

"for the revelation awaits an appointed time...though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay!"
Habakkub 2:3-4


Often we believe that God has spoken to us through others and the scriptures. We believe that He has given us a promise and then we believe it will come to past instantly. We find ourselves disappointed because this promise has not been fulfilled when we think it should be or as we would like it to be.

One thing I have learned through the years is that everything has an appointed time. Our very existance is filled with appontments. There is a time to be born and a time to die; a time laugh and to mourn. I am sure yyou get where I am going. The government even has appointed times that affect our lives: legal ages for voting, driving,marriage and so on. We know that they are coming but we are in such a hurry to make and pass those appointments that we forget about the preparation that we must put into meeting requirements for the appointment.

With spiritual things, we are in a hurry for the blessing or promise to be fulfilled that we forget that in the waiting there is a gift. That gift is having fellowship with God. In the waiting, we can have conversation with our Father and learn what He desires for us as Hs children. As the "revelation" lingers, we can gain strength and understanding as we wait. We gain wisdom as to how to be at peace and our faith grows in a new way.

In the waiting, we are changed: we have learned to rest and trust and truly believe that God knows what is best for us. Some of my best times in life have been waiting on God simply because I get to know HIm in a new light and find something new about His nature.

In the waiting, God is the same; but we begin to see Him with new eyes and our heart begins to yearn for His company. We learn what it is like to be in His presence and we cling to this time of fellowship.

God is faithful and brings to pass all of His promises; but when you are rejoicing in the fulfilment of the promise: remember to thank God for the gift of waiting

Vacation

Vacation is a time to get away from the usual routine of life: to relax and refocus the direction you are going.

About every two years, we take a long vaction to do such. The vacation happend to coinside with one of my husband's favorite things : the Texas Star Party. So naturally, we decided to enjoy the Davis Mountains and all that is available around us.

The night skies at the Davis Mountaiins are some of the most beautiful that we have ever seen. Th skies are very dark and because of this one can see the heavns on great display. Men, women and children from all areas over the world come to the Prude Ranch every year simply to enjoy the handiwork of God.

After the Star Party ends, we will be enjoying one of God's greatest wonders: our beautiful grandchildren! They will be travelling to join us here, We will get to share with them this wonderful place in the Ft. Davis, Balmorhea, and Big Bend area. Willie and I so enjoy coming to this area whenever we can. The canyons and valleys remind us of how small we are and how great God is.

Whenever I am here it reminds me of the Scripture that if we do not praise God that the rocks will cry out in praise. Here even when we sing praises to the Lord, the rocks are singing in harmony in order to give God full worship.

Vacation here does relax and bring refocus of life. That focus is to worship our Creator and remind us that if we are moving toward God in all areas of life, we are headed in the right direction!

Amazing Love

I keep thinking of what Jesus said to the disciples: " Love others as I have loved you"

As I meditate on this , I realized that the LOVE He is talking about is a love in which one where you must lay aside a fleshly thing called "personal rights". You know "Personal Rights"! The list of what one is entitled to as a human being and make sure that your comfort zone is always in tact. Those wonderful self indulging rights where you always get what you expect from others and allows you to demand your own way. These "rights" even allow you to feel offended and carry a grudge when wronged or preceived wrong occurs.

When Jesus said to love as He has loved, He issued a challenge to set aside these rights and to follow His example. Jesus set aside His "rights" when He came and dwelled among us. He had the right to wear the crown and robes of royality, yet He wore the clothes of a carpenter. He had the right to have people serve Him and wait upon Him,yet it was He who served others. He did good to all,yet He was despised and beaten. He was sinless and yet He bore the sins of all mankind.

I think on this whenever I start to feel that I have not received my "share of the pie" or that I have been wronged in some way. Then I feel ashamed that I have not surrended my "personal rights", but instead held tighly to my dear old flesh. Often I struggle in this area. Struggle with the idea that by surrendering these "rights", I am surrendering control of my life. I am giving up the right to be offended. I am giving up the right to hold a grudge when someone hurts me. I giving up the right to have life be all about ME!

But by surrendering, I am gaining the right to let forgiveness and mercy rule my relationships. I am gaining the right to love as God as loved me: unconditionally. I am gaining the right for life to be about others and not focused on me. My "tent" is greatly enlarged and joyous blessings are multiplied.

I pray that everday, I find myself surrending my "personal bill of rights" that I might gain what God has planned for me.

Looking For A Miracle

Many of us spend our days looking for a miracle to happen in our lives. We are looking so hard for something to happen to us or others that cannot be explained away by science....something that we know could only be the work of God.

I challenge you to look in the mirror! For most of us, a mirror is th last thing we want to look at. In a mirror, we see staring back at us all our precieved imperfections: our nose is either to small or too big...just does not go with out face or we see ourselves too fat, too skinny,too short, too tall....you get the picture. We are our own worst critics .

What if when we look into the mirror instead of seeing the "mess" we precieve ourselves to be. we see a creation of God in its total prefection? What if we realized that God created us to be the mirror? That's right, we are the mirror that God looks into every morning and we reflect Him.

So the question now is, Do we reflect His compassion and love toward His creations? When others look at us do we reflect the love that God has for them so that they are encouraged to receive all that He has for them? When we look into the mirror, are so worried about how our flesh looks or do we fade away until the only reflection we see is God?

Were we not created in His likeness? I hope that when you look int the mirror, you do see yourself: you are a miracle that was created to bring joy not only to God's heart but to His planet and all that He created for your pleasure. You are the miracle for whom He created all of the universe. It is you that He longs for fellowship and company. It is you He chose to bring His Only Son to deliver from sin and it will be you that He will spend eternity with.

I have been listening to Matt Redman alot lately. Some of the songs I really enjoy at this time are "You Never Let Go!","Better Is One Day In Your Courts" and "We Fall Facedown"

These songs seem to touch my spirit and the place I am with God. Their words based in scripture and in life bring assurance to me that God is with me at all times. They remind me that in Christ, many opportunities come to gain wisdom from above and knowledge that will guide me on the journey that God has planned for me and those I love.

Their words remind me also of how merciful God has been in past, present and will be in the future. Their words remind me that
in life, I can choose either life or death. I can choose to follow the steps of Jesus or I can take on the "mask" that the world wears.

In choosing to follow the steps of Jesus, I find peace,wisdom and a life filled with hope. Choosing to wear the mask, I will find only deception, foolishness and a life filled with darkness of separation. Through Jesus' sacrifice for us while we were still wearing the "mask" of sin that caused us to be separated from our Father, we have been given a choice: no longer hopeless prisoners in a cage. We have been given an eternal Light that overcomes any darkness within us.

The older I get, the more I understand the sacrifices God made for His children. I am learning the pain He felt when wrong choices were and are made. I am also learning the joy He must feel when HIs children are thankful and reach out to Him to know Him in deeper ways.

I become more grateful to and in awe of God my Father with every passing day. I am glad He never lets go! I am thankful for the opportunities to whorship Him and give Him the glory for every good thing and to praise Him for HIss eternal presence even in the midst of trials.

When Is the right time for a pity party?

I found myself at times thinking that things are rough. I am happy to say that it is not always the same thing or the same area: you see I was equal opportunity employer of the "pity party". Yep, a card carrying member of the "Winers Society".

I may not have wined out loud for my fellow travellers to hear; but God got an ear full from time to time. You see, my thoughts wondered at times from thinking about the blessings I do have to dwelling on short comings. Short comings I find in myself and in others. By dwelling, I became depressed and when depressed, I began to sing that chorus "Poor,Poor Me!..."

Thankfully, God sent a wonderful friend into my life who told me that I needed to set a time limit for such occasions. They told me I needed to send myself a mental invitation to a "Pity Party" : Set a date, time and location. For example: Wednesday,2:00p.m in the kitchen. The catch was that I may not invite anyone else and it can only last 5 minutes and I can only host one of these parties once a week.

That's right 5mintues and once a week only. I can serve myself a big helping of self pity and sing the "Poor Me Blues" all I want for that five minutes. After the five minutes are finished, I must rise up and dust myself off.

Those five minutes made me feel foolish at times because while I was there enjoying my self pity, thoughts began to creep into my head. Thoughts like this may be bad; but poor Miss X had something much worse happen to her. Then I began praying for Miss X that she knows the love of God toward her and then others follow with the same results,prayer.

After a while, I caught on...If I remained in an attitude of prayer, self pity would not find a place in my life. Not only had I learned to set a limit for myself; but I learned that if I am busy praying for the needs of others, I would not be dwelling about where I or others fall short.

Those five minutes taught me that the times I feel self pity is when I take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on myself. When I keep myself in conversation with God, I feel peaceful and confident. I feel my value as a human being: but mostly I find myself more open to hear what God is trying to say to me.

Self pity is a stumbling block. It keeps one from moving forward on their journey. Everyday, we have a choice: will we wear self pity as a chain to slow us down or will we keep our eyes focused on Jesus moving forward in prayer and joy?

Proverb 17:3

"The crucible for silver and the furance for gold; but the Lord tests the heart."

In the 60's when I was at that wonderful stage call adolesence, I heard my father say something about a young man walking down the street. He spoke with great disapproval of the way he looked: " long hair,clown pants and wild shirt" Needless to say, my siblings and I thought he was "cool".

My father really was judging the young man's life by his dress. My grandmother (his mother) cleared her throat and quitely asked my father: "Are you God, can you see his heart?" My father became quite.

My grandmother in gentle soothing tones told my father that only God can see the hearts of men. She reminded him that just as the crucible and the furance separate dross from the pure so does the Spirit of God to the hearts of men. She reminded him that the vessel that carries our spirit is subjected to the ways and harshness of the world in which we live; but that part of us that only God can see is what is true and pure. Only God can pass judgement on the hearts of men.

I think of this conversation often and pray that my own heart is pure and that my motives are acceptable not to man; but to God. I pray that when others see me that they will not judge me for the way I look; but for the way that I love God and His word as well as how I have loved them as my fellow traveller on this journey.

My grandchildren tell me that I am fat (which I am) and in the same breath tell me they like it that I am soft and cuddly. Their parents of course tell them that it is impolite to tell me that I am fat. I usually laugh because one cannot be angry that the truth has been spoken with such innocence and love. I see it as an observation not as an insult.

We should not find offense when truth is spoken to us in such innocence. Did not God tell us ,the body of Christ, that we were to speak truthful to each other in love? Of course there will always be someone who will say cruel and hurtful things to others in the "name of love" and truly have no love in their hearts or words when speaking. This is when we must trust in our own daily communication with God to test the "truth" spoken. We must also consider from whom the words come as well.

As we have told our children and grandchildren: Words can be as sharp as knives and can wound the heart and spirit of another just as if you have stabbed them with a knife. Words can tear down a person's self esteem or they can build one up, causing them to see themselves and others in a positive way.

Jesus sought the build others up for the Kingdom. He would sit with them,eat with them and when He spoke to them, He let them know He was aware of their short comings but He did not dwell on those short comings. Instead, He spoke to them the way God the Father saw them. He spoke to them as children who needed a Father to remind them of who they were and who they could be. When He spoke, it was in such authority and love that one wanted to be more that who they were and they knew it was possible because Jesus said,

"YOU ARE FORGIVEN!"

When the truth in love is spoken, it brings about change not shame or bitterness. It brings about Hope and Life not despair and death.

Speak the truth in love, speak it as God our Father speaks to you: loving,encouranging,edifying so that you will be willing to "put off the old man"

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm;but learning to dance in the rain"

Life from time to time seems to bring storms our way. These storms might be anything from financial problems,marital problems or a testing of our faith. These storms sometime are mild reminders that life can change just as easy as a breeze can turn into a full gale. Sometimes these storms pull up by the roots beliefs or ideas about life and faith that one may have.

Any rate, each storm bring on trials. Testing where you must trust God that whatever has happened: has happened for a purpose. When the storm comes, we immediately want to retreat from it. We hide ourselves looking for a safe place until the storm has passed. This is human instinct.

But what if? What if we decided to embrace the storm and learn the rythm of the rolling thunder,wind and lighting? What if we lift our hands toward the clouds and begin to praise our common Creator? Begin to seek out God as our dance partner and place ourselves into His embrace, abandoning our fears and trusting that He will guide us through the storm .

If we were to practice this dance over and over, would we then run toward the sound of the thunder and begin to look forward to the dance that would bring us closer to our Partner ,God?

I for one have yet learned how to abandon all fears when the storms come;but I am learning. I may not begin to dance at the beginning of the storm; but at some point, I place my hand in God's. When I do the rain is more gentle and taste sweeter and I wonder why did I struggle.

I will never forget the day that our daughters told us: "We have found our biological mother!" The feelings that rolled over me that day ran from fear that I was losing them to sadness that I was not enough of a mother for them. Seeing them happy, I smiled and was happy for them all the while worry whether or not they were going to be hurt.

I had a friend who was several years older than our girls approached her biological moother and was greeted with the word,"I got rid of you once! What makes you think that I would want to see you now?" I remember her devastation and how her heart was broken; I surely did not what this happen to them and their brother after all of the years of hoping to find their biological family.

My husband made arrangements for a visit with their family as soon as possible and all I could do was pray that God would be their companion and comforter when needed. The visit went well and they began to keep in touch.

As time has gone by, the girls maturing and growing as well as experincing many things with the biological family began to understand why they were tall and whose features they had as well as some medical aspects of who they were. But most important, they learned that God had a bigger plan for their lives. They have learned that being adopted by our family gave them more opportunities than they would have had. They also learned about love that had conditions placed on it wheras, with us they were always given unconditional love and acceptance.

I also learned that I needed to trust that God knew what was going on all of the time. He knew that these three sibling needed to find their biological family so that they might get on with their lives and grab a hold of the plans He had designed for them. He knew that they needed to find answers to questions that we could not give them.

I enjoice that in the end of the Quest, our beautiful daughters found God's open arms and received great blessings. I am blessed that they are my children and I rejoice that they are apart of those fabulous five that God gave to me.

You see, in our family, God put us together like a fine seamstress puts together a beautiful heritage quilt. I, a woman who had never been married, a widower with children natural born and some adopted: Each one of us with our own past and personality were sewn together by the binding threads of Love. We have added 10 more patches that brighten that quilt, each as colorful and interesting. We are a family that God designed and brought together through love.

Remembering Cold Days

When our children were in Elementary and Middle school, we lived on a 70 acres farm. We enjoyed the summer swimming in the pond and baling hay. The Spring was a time when calves would be born and they gave great joy to us as we watched they leap about in the tall grass. The Fall was usually when we went for hayrides and had bon fires. Winter everything would become cold and gray: so this became a time when we would make a fire in the fire place and enjoy bowls of popcorn,movies and cups of hot chocolate.

I realize one of the reasons I liked winter on the farm was that our whole family spend time together just enjoying each others company. We learned about what the children liked best about whatever they were doing or what they wished that did not happen during their days at school. We learned that the boys were eager to feed the cows in the winter because they got to drive the truck in the field.

One these winter days, the children were together not scattered about doing their own thing as they were in the Spring,Summer and Fall. The winter days were mine to watch them inner act with each other as they played games,colored or just talked to each other. I got to see glimpses of them in the things they chose to read or whatever movie they chose to watch.

In the winter,I felt as if they were all mine to enjoy and learn about as we spent time around the fireplace. This was God's gift to me: being able to be apart of their lives and watching the spend time with each other laughing about what happened while feeding the cows or sharing their pain over what someone said to them at school.

On cold days, I still can hear their laughter and teasing each other. I remember the snuggling and the talking before bedtime.

If your children are still at home,please take the time on these cold winter days to get to know them. Spend time playing games,telling stories and snuggling because before you know it, they are grown and have families of their own or have moved far away

Children's children are a crown to the aged

In Proverb 17:6a, it tells us that our grandchildren are a crown to us. This is so true! Each child is a precious gem that fits perfectly in the Crown of Life. Though genetic may bind them together, each is perfectly different in their own way.

In them , the Fruit of the Spirit: love,joy,peace,patience,kindness,goodness,faithfulness,gentleness and self control; have been displayed from one time or another. Also, in them I have seen great compassion for the sick and the needy. I have heard their prayers and seen the faith they have that God will answer those prayers.

I often think of the Apostle Paul's words not to dismiss one because of their youth. I am certain as Paul was that God intend their youthfulness to be used for the Kingdom. I am encouraged by what I see whenever I look into their beautiful bright faces. I am encouraged by the questions they ask and their seeking God early.

In the scriptures, it say to seek God early while He may be found. This could be early morning: but it could also mean to seek Him in childhood when your heart is open and your mind has not been jaded by the world. At a time when your spirit is quite and gentle so that you might hear with both your heart and ears. For it is at this time, we are told we will find Him.

I am blessed that my children have encourage their children to seek God and begin their journey with HIm.

What a crown this old gal has thanks to God,our Father!

Granny Why?

"Granny, why is your skin getting all wrinkled and you have white stripes in your hair?" This is a question I was asked in earnest sincerity of a child. At that moment I had to decide: should I be worried that I am getting "all wrinkled with white stripes in my hair" or should I see it for what it is...a natural process that happens with aging?

I chose to laugh and explain that this is what happens when you are my age and getting older. I explained that it was nothing to be upset over because it is a natural process that the human body goes through. I did admit that there are those who look more youthful than I do.

The way I see it, every year that has been given to me is a gift from God. Some of those years have been more stressed filled, therefore, adding more grey hair and "worry lines". But I have more years of joy that have left "laugh lines". I rejoice that I have a crown of silver: for it represents years of a journey filled with adventures and learning experiences. I chose not to fight aging;but to embrace it. For in aging, I pray that I have found some wisdom in life. In aging, I am closer to seeing and touching the face of God. I have found a unshakeable faith and relationship with Jesus that only years of trusting Him can bring.

I do not fret over a few wrinkles or grey hair because they are just part of the housing for the real me: the spirit that is here on this earth until God decides otherwise. The part of me that lives on even after death is not concerned about the color of my hair or the wrinkles that are appearing with each year. I am concerned with what I do with the time I have left. Whether I will love as God has commanded me to love and help others find their life in Him.

I remember a verse that I repeated often when I was young "My times are in Your Hands" this fits whether you are young or old

Realizing Your Child is Grown

As parents, we are always wanting to be a part of our children's lives. Some time we wear blinders on our eyes that distort our concept of them: we see them as small children who still need constant guidance. We fool ourselves into believing that they need us to take care of them or handle situations for them without realizing that our "hovering" is really retarding their growth.

The past two years, we have had to remove the blinders from our eyes and cast away the pride we had in the fact that our children truly needed us or they would not succeed. When we opened our eyes, we saw grown adult people not the small children that needed us so much.

We saw young men and women who have families of their own making very adult choices. They were deciding major things than effect their families and were succeeding in whatever they put their hand to. We realized that it was time to let go and let them make their own way and walk their own journey. For me, it was a relieve, to my husband, he felt that he was no longer needed.

I explained that he was still needed; but in a different role. We are still parents; but parents to adults. We are sounding boards and just because we would handle a situation one way, does not mean that our children should do so. We need to be willing to stand with them when they make a decision. We are still cheerleaders for their success and comforters whenever they need.

Each child has chosen different paths to walk..for some their path is filled with faith and relationship with Christ: for others, they are still searching. But each child will find their way this I am sure of.

Our lives are more enriched because of our journey with them. We love them and are blessed to have had the opportunity to watch them grow. We delight in the opportunity to watch them as parents and adults.

Open the New Door

We have said goodbye to 2007. It was a year of change for me on several levels.

Emotionally, I took important steps in having victory over depression. I have begun to understand why I was depressed and know that it is something I will deal with the rest of my life because of my genetic wiring. I learned being depressed does not necessarily mean that you are insane nor does it have to define who I am as a person. This in itself was freeing because it took away a lot of shame I felt because I was depressed.

Spiritually, I have grown in my personal realationship with God. This renewal comes from knowing that even though I suffer from depression, God loves me and still can use me in HIs Kingdom. I realized that He allow medication to be made that levels out the chemicals in my brain. I see in God a new freedom that has restored me greatly.

Physically, we have moved to a new home that has lessened stress for me. God has brought us to a quiet place where we are surrounded by his handiwork. We enjoy so much of our Llfe here. Our granchildren like being able to run and play here. Our children seem to enjoy the peacefulness of our home as well.

So much has changed for the better here and I feel that we are where God desires us to be. I am ready to open the door to the new year and step into the unknown. I know by placing my hand in God's hand, I will find adventure, joy, peace and of course change. By placing my hand in His, I am trusting that He will lead me where I need to be and will keep once He gets me there.

I do not just intend to open it slowly and peek: My intent is to fling the door open wide and receive all that God has prepared for me and my husband. I rejoice for the blessings He has for my children and grandchildren.

Another year,another part of the Plan is revealed to us by God