When Is the right time for a pity party?

I found myself at times thinking that things are rough. I am happy to say that it is not always the same thing or the same area: you see I was equal opportunity employer of the "pity party". Yep, a card carrying member of the "Winers Society".

I may not have wined out loud for my fellow travellers to hear; but God got an ear full from time to time. You see, my thoughts wondered at times from thinking about the blessings I do have to dwelling on short comings. Short comings I find in myself and in others. By dwelling, I became depressed and when depressed, I began to sing that chorus "Poor,Poor Me!..."

Thankfully, God sent a wonderful friend into my life who told me that I needed to set a time limit for such occasions. They told me I needed to send myself a mental invitation to a "Pity Party" : Set a date, time and location. For example: Wednesday,2:00p.m in the kitchen. The catch was that I may not invite anyone else and it can only last 5 minutes and I can only host one of these parties once a week.

That's right 5mintues and once a week only. I can serve myself a big helping of self pity and sing the "Poor Me Blues" all I want for that five minutes. After the five minutes are finished, I must rise up and dust myself off.

Those five minutes made me feel foolish at times because while I was there enjoying my self pity, thoughts began to creep into my head. Thoughts like this may be bad; but poor Miss X had something much worse happen to her. Then I began praying for Miss X that she knows the love of God toward her and then others follow with the same results,prayer.

After a while, I caught on...If I remained in an attitude of prayer, self pity would not find a place in my life. Not only had I learned to set a limit for myself; but I learned that if I am busy praying for the needs of others, I would not be dwelling about where I or others fall short.

Those five minutes taught me that the times I feel self pity is when I take my eyes off of Jesus and put them on myself. When I keep myself in conversation with God, I feel peaceful and confident. I feel my value as a human being: but mostly I find myself more open to hear what God is trying to say to me.

Self pity is a stumbling block. It keeps one from moving forward on their journey. Everyday, we have a choice: will we wear self pity as a chain to slow us down or will we keep our eyes focused on Jesus moving forward in prayer and joy?

Proverb 17:3

"The crucible for silver and the furance for gold; but the Lord tests the heart."

In the 60's when I was at that wonderful stage call adolesence, I heard my father say something about a young man walking down the street. He spoke with great disapproval of the way he looked: " long hair,clown pants and wild shirt" Needless to say, my siblings and I thought he was "cool".

My father really was judging the young man's life by his dress. My grandmother (his mother) cleared her throat and quitely asked my father: "Are you God, can you see his heart?" My father became quite.

My grandmother in gentle soothing tones told my father that only God can see the hearts of men. She reminded him that just as the crucible and the furance separate dross from the pure so does the Spirit of God to the hearts of men. She reminded him that the vessel that carries our spirit is subjected to the ways and harshness of the world in which we live; but that part of us that only God can see is what is true and pure. Only God can pass judgement on the hearts of men.

I think of this conversation often and pray that my own heart is pure and that my motives are acceptable not to man; but to God. I pray that when others see me that they will not judge me for the way I look; but for the way that I love God and His word as well as how I have loved them as my fellow traveller on this journey.

My grandchildren tell me that I am fat (which I am) and in the same breath tell me they like it that I am soft and cuddly. Their parents of course tell them that it is impolite to tell me that I am fat. I usually laugh because one cannot be angry that the truth has been spoken with such innocence and love. I see it as an observation not as an insult.

We should not find offense when truth is spoken to us in such innocence. Did not God tell us ,the body of Christ, that we were to speak truthful to each other in love? Of course there will always be someone who will say cruel and hurtful things to others in the "name of love" and truly have no love in their hearts or words when speaking. This is when we must trust in our own daily communication with God to test the "truth" spoken. We must also consider from whom the words come as well.

As we have told our children and grandchildren: Words can be as sharp as knives and can wound the heart and spirit of another just as if you have stabbed them with a knife. Words can tear down a person's self esteem or they can build one up, causing them to see themselves and others in a positive way.

Jesus sought the build others up for the Kingdom. He would sit with them,eat with them and when He spoke to them, He let them know He was aware of their short comings but He did not dwell on those short comings. Instead, He spoke to them the way God the Father saw them. He spoke to them as children who needed a Father to remind them of who they were and who they could be. When He spoke, it was in such authority and love that one wanted to be more that who they were and they knew it was possible because Jesus said,

"YOU ARE FORGIVEN!"

When the truth in love is spoken, it brings about change not shame or bitterness. It brings about Hope and Life not despair and death.

Speak the truth in love, speak it as God our Father speaks to you: loving,encouranging,edifying so that you will be willing to "put off the old man"

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm;but learning to dance in the rain"

Life from time to time seems to bring storms our way. These storms might be anything from financial problems,marital problems or a testing of our faith. These storms sometime are mild reminders that life can change just as easy as a breeze can turn into a full gale. Sometimes these storms pull up by the roots beliefs or ideas about life and faith that one may have.

Any rate, each storm bring on trials. Testing where you must trust God that whatever has happened: has happened for a purpose. When the storm comes, we immediately want to retreat from it. We hide ourselves looking for a safe place until the storm has passed. This is human instinct.

But what if? What if we decided to embrace the storm and learn the rythm of the rolling thunder,wind and lighting? What if we lift our hands toward the clouds and begin to praise our common Creator? Begin to seek out God as our dance partner and place ourselves into His embrace, abandoning our fears and trusting that He will guide us through the storm .

If we were to practice this dance over and over, would we then run toward the sound of the thunder and begin to look forward to the dance that would bring us closer to our Partner ,God?

I for one have yet learned how to abandon all fears when the storms come;but I am learning. I may not begin to dance at the beginning of the storm; but at some point, I place my hand in God's. When I do the rain is more gentle and taste sweeter and I wonder why did I struggle.

I will never forget the day that our daughters told us: "We have found our biological mother!" The feelings that rolled over me that day ran from fear that I was losing them to sadness that I was not enough of a mother for them. Seeing them happy, I smiled and was happy for them all the while worry whether or not they were going to be hurt.

I had a friend who was several years older than our girls approached her biological moother and was greeted with the word,"I got rid of you once! What makes you think that I would want to see you now?" I remember her devastation and how her heart was broken; I surely did not what this happen to them and their brother after all of the years of hoping to find their biological family.

My husband made arrangements for a visit with their family as soon as possible and all I could do was pray that God would be their companion and comforter when needed. The visit went well and they began to keep in touch.

As time has gone by, the girls maturing and growing as well as experincing many things with the biological family began to understand why they were tall and whose features they had as well as some medical aspects of who they were. But most important, they learned that God had a bigger plan for their lives. They have learned that being adopted by our family gave them more opportunities than they would have had. They also learned about love that had conditions placed on it wheras, with us they were always given unconditional love and acceptance.

I also learned that I needed to trust that God knew what was going on all of the time. He knew that these three sibling needed to find their biological family so that they might get on with their lives and grab a hold of the plans He had designed for them. He knew that they needed to find answers to questions that we could not give them.

I enjoice that in the end of the Quest, our beautiful daughters found God's open arms and received great blessings. I am blessed that they are my children and I rejoice that they are apart of those fabulous five that God gave to me.

You see, in our family, God put us together like a fine seamstress puts together a beautiful heritage quilt. I, a woman who had never been married, a widower with children natural born and some adopted: Each one of us with our own past and personality were sewn together by the binding threads of Love. We have added 10 more patches that brighten that quilt, each as colorful and interesting. We are a family that God designed and brought together through love.